Hell it's been over a year since I made one of these. I guess I should post one to fill you guys in on what's going on. To be 100%, my depression is basically murdering me. It seems like everytime I just want someone to talk to. Nobodies around to listen. They all have their own problems. I have always put everyone else before me. Then I leave no time for myself. When I wanna take some time for myself... just to sit down and talk. Everybody else's problems are more important. None of my problems matter. I've been suffering since I was 9, only help I got? Therapy. Meds. How much good is that therapy going to do if I can't use the things I learned? How good are meds when the person that's supposed to be giving me them (I can't take my own meds for fear of overdosing.) Doesn't give them to me?
July 9, 2014
On July 17 last year. I took my first airplane flight out to New Jersey. Where I had planned to meet a close friend of mine. We ended up dating and still strong even now. Oddly enough... to me it seems like I provide all the emotional support. He provides the finacal.. It's not balanced as it use to be. I say we're going strong in a sense that we still talk to each other. Don't hate each other. Hell... I even see if we're together in a couple years getting married. Hoping on the sure fact maybe if we lived closer to each other, our romance would spark again.
I often wonder now a days... Will I ever get my turn for someone to care about me? Is it going to ever be my turn to be safe? Is it going to be my turn to be cared for, taken care of, and have an importance.
I can't get a job. My high school dropped me, not once but three times. Every effort I've made to get my GED, forced off because of someone else's problems. I'm never going to really ammount to anything am I?